Eric Cartman, the child from South Park, who after illegally purchasing weapons, turned into the "Ninja Bulrag", who has lots and lots of powers
VS
Rikka Takanashi, the Japanese girl who is a powerful sorceress seeking the Ethereal Horizon... but only in her own mind...
West and East clash in a battle to determine who has THE DEADLIEST CHILDHOOD DELUSION!
Combatants[]
"Ninja Cartman"[]
In the South Park episode "Good Times with Weapons", the four main characters purchase ninja weapons at a county fair, after convincing the salesman to let them have them illegally by claiming they are orphans. Surprisingly, the ploy worked, and much of the rest of the episode is shown through the kid's imaginations, in which depicts them "transforming" into ninjas in a parody of "shonen" action anime such as Dragonball Z. Eric Cartman in particular transforms into a ninja version of his usual overweight self, and arms himself with a pair of Sai capable of shooting energy blasts, and "lots and lots of power", much to the annoyance of his friends.
Rikka Takanashi[]
Rikka Takanashi is the co-protagonist of the anime Chuunibyou Demo Koi Ga Shitai (a title often translated as "I Don't Care About My Adolescent Delusions, I Want A Date!").
Rikka is the wielder of a powerful magic power known as the Tyrant's Eye, which is said to be able to see the destiny of anyone who looks upon her, though she keeps the eye covered with an eyepatch because of the strain the power places on her. She also is capable of using a variety of magic attacks, and has a Mauser C96 and Luger P08 firing magic bullets that can harm spirits. Rikka is on an quest to seek the Ethereal Horizon, and through her quest, battles against an evil organization with the aid of her male sidekick, the "Dark Flame Master"...
Or she would, if this all wasn't a delusion. Rikka is actually a normal Japanese teenager with adolescent delusions (known in Japanese culture as "chuunibyou" or "8th grader syndrome". Rikka's magical staff, Schwarzsechs Prototype Mark II, is actually a normal umbrella, and her "Tyrant's Eye" is a colored contact lens. The "Dark Flame Master" is actually another normal Japanese teenager named Yuuta Togashi who formerly had "chuunibyou", but is now "cured", and wished to do the same for Rikka. The anime follows Rikka, Yuuta, and several other characters as they deal with everyday life in your first year in highschool when you have chuunibyou, and the relationships between the characters.
For the purposes of some of her matches, however, her delusions may come to life....
Melee Weapons[]
Sai (Cartman)[]
Traditional sai were dagger-shaped bludgeoning tools, although more lethal designs are more common in modern pop culture. The sai consists of a long blade with a prong on either side of the blade, much like a trident with a elongated center prong. The handle ends in a large metal knob called the knuckle, which is used for striking.
Schwarzsechs Prototype Mark II[]
Schwarsechs Prototype Mark II is Rikka's powerful magic staff capable of being used as a bludgeoning weapon and firing magic attacks.... But in real life, it's just an umbrella...
Magic Attacks[]
Energy Attacks (Cartman)[]
All of the "Ninja" versions of the South Park cast can fire various energy attacks from their weapons, with varying elemental forms, such as fire, ice, and lightning. Naturally Cartman/Bulrag can used them all... because he had lots and lots of powers.
Magic Attacks (Rikka)[]
Chuunibyou Demo Koi ga Shitai! - Rikka vs Tooka
Rikka has come up with a large number of magic attacks, all of them named in a combination often nonsensical English, German, and vaguely English/German-sounding gibberish.
Dark Matter Blaze[]
The Dark Matter Blaze is Rikka's lightest attack, consisting of a single red ball of energy, fired from Schwarzsechs Mark II.
Nergal Blast[]
The Nergal Blast summons three balls of energy similar to the Dark Matter Blaze and launches them at a target.
Kanntwinkle[]
Kanntwinkle fires a burst of five multicolored (purple, blue, yellow) energy balls, which explode with about the force of an RPG. This attack is, apart from the number and color of projectiles fired, very similar to Nergal Blast.
Judgement Lucifer[]
The "Judgement Lucifer" attack fires a flamethrower-like blast of magic flames, which explode on impact.
Impulse Max[]
Impulse Max transform's Schwarzsech's Mark II into a cannon, which fires a massively destructive energy blast.
Magic Shield[]
A magic shield to block attacks.
Powers[]
"Lots and Lots of Powers" (Cartman)[]
Cartman turns Kyle into a Chicken!!!
Ninja Cartman/Bulrag has lots and lots of powers... including the ability to see in the future (but better than Kyle), and the ability to turn invisible, the ability to transform people into chickens, and of course to have as many powers as he wants. Note that the ability to transform people into chickens will, for the purposes of this match, will be blockable with Rikka's shield and only last for a limited time.
"Tyrant's Eye"[]
Rikka's Tyrant's Eye has a variety of nebulously defined powers, including seeing the peoples future, the ability to force people into a "contract" with her, and the ability to create a blinding flash of light among others.
Special Weapons[]
Racism, Sexism, and General Obnoxiousness (Cartman)[]
Cartman has a widespread arsenal of racist, sexist, and generally obnoxious lines. That said, how effective they will be against the non-English-speaking Rikka remains to be seen.
Mauser C96 and Luger P08 (Rikka)[]
Rikka had in her possession a Luger P08 and Mauser C96 pistol, both firing magic bullets capable of harming spirits.
Notes[]
- For the purposes of this match, all delusions of both character will be treated as real.
- The battle will take place in an empty residential street. The battle will start when when Rikka kills Kenny (of course) with her Dark Matter Blaze Attack.
Battle[]
Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflowsky (or however you spell his name), Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick walked through the streets of a residential area of South Park, Colorado, all armed with illegally purchased weapons from that vendor at the county fair. Standing in their path, they spotted a girl in an eyepatch armed with an umbrella.
"Hey, get the hell out of our way!", Cartman yelled.
Rikka turned to face the four armed children. Clearly they were from the organization, sent to prevent her from reaching the Ethereal Horizon. Rikka spoke the following words:
"Reality be rent. Synapse break. Banishment, this world!"
At the same time, Rikka removed her eyepatch to reveal her glowing yellow "Tyrant's Eye".
Immediately, Rikka's umbrella transformed into massive staff, that she was somehow able to wield in spite of it being larger than she was tall. At the same time, this background music started blaring from no apparent source.
Both Rikka and the South Park kids were momentarily distracted by the music, which sounded a parody of a 90's anime opening, complete with bad English.
Rikka, however, disregarded the unexpected music, and yelled "Dark Matter Blaze!" in thickly accented English.
A massive glowing red ball of energy flew towards the kids, Stan and Kyle jumping out of the way in one direction and Cartman in the other. Kenny, however, was struck by the energy attack, which exploded on impact, vaporizing him instantly.
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!", Stan said
"You bastards!", Kyle replied.
"I'll take care of this bitch!", Cartman said, as he stepped forward.
Cartman fired off a powerful blast of fire from his sai, which flew towards Rikka as the background music sang "Hey hey let's go, kenka suru"
Rikka easily blocked the blast, before charging forth and striking a low blow with her staff at Cartman. Cartman responded by only barely managing to block the attack, placing his sai over his crotch as the song said "Taisetsu na mono Protect my balls!"
Rikka was then forced to jump back to avoid a thrust from Cartman's sai, and left herself open to a lightning blast from both of Cartman's sai. Rikka blocked the attack and drew her Luger and Mauser, firing off the dual pistols at a high rate of fire. Cartman, however, used his super-speed to dodge of block all of the bullets. (Did I mention he had that power, well he does, because Bulrag has lots and lots of powers)
This time, Rikka got serious. She raised Schwarzsechs Prototype Mark II and yelled, "Judgement Lucifer!". Rikka's staff fired a stream of flames, which engulfed Cartman and then exploded, blowing him several meters away.
Cartman yelled several racial and sexist slurs at Rikka, which had no apparent effect. Rikka yelled "Impulse Max!", and her staff transformed into a cannon, which began charging a massive energy attack.
Suddenly, Cartman's hands began to glow, and suddenly, Rikka felt her field of vision drop by several feet. She realized she was now about one foot tall... and that wasn't it.... she didn't have hands... only these wings... and her body was covered in feathers.
"What the..." Rikka said, realizing she could still speak, "Have I been hit by a transformation spell?"
"Ha Ha Ha Ha, Now you are a chicken!", Cartman said in a sing-song voice.
Rikka, however, remembered something... she could still speak... and she had one spell that doesn't fire out of of her staff...
Immediately, a magic sigil glowed below Rikka as she yelled "Nergal Blast!".
At once, three balls of magical energy flew off and exploded around Cartman, causing him to lose concentration and break the transformation spell. Rikka, now back to her normal self, picked up her staff and prepared to unleash a devastating magical attack when....
She felt a sharp blow strike her on the back of her head.
"Rikka!", it was the voice of Rikka's sister, Touka, wielding the ladle she typically uses to punish her little sister, "Don't act delusional in public, and how did you end up in America?!"
Cartman laughed at the whole situation, which prompted Touka to turn to him and raise her ladle.
"What do you kids think your doing with those weapons!?", Touka said, "Give them to me, I'm going to tell your parents about this!"
Cartman backed away, but refused to surrender his sai. Touka rushed forward and struck him across the face with the ladle, knocking both said out of his hand, and then struck the other two kids, knocking their weapons away.
"Holy shit, this chick is crazy!", Stan yelled, "Let's get the hell out of here!", as all three of the South Park kids ran from Rikka's psychotic sister.
WINNER: Touka Takanashi.....
Expert's Opinion[]
Experts were divided on whose delusions were more powerful. However, they were both no match for Touka's distaste for delusional kids.... and her ladle.